Issue #3. Style Crone for sisterhood

In this issue we celebrate 'the style crone'- shallow or a scrumptious tool for sisterhood? Also, 'how DO I feel about my shoes?' (One for The Smiths fans there).

Growing up, I’d never been interested in ‘fashion’. Mainly coz I just didn’t ‘get’ it and it was yet another baffling barrier to ‘fitting in’.

I grew up as a ‘tomboy’ (as we were known in old money!), and only ever really felt comfortable in the clothes I’d inherited from my older brother. Even now, the clothes I feel happiest in are my dungarees and my boyfriend’s jeans - (not ‘boyfriend jeans’ but the actual jeans previously owned by my boyfriend, sorry/thank you Neil 😂).

The only style magazines I’d ever read as a teenager were at the dentist’s, and I remember noticing how shit they made me feel, though at the time I couldn’t explain why.

Most girls at school would stare at my shoes and snigger. As with much of my life as an undiagnosed autistic person, I’d clearly missed a memo somewhere along the line -was there some secret style rule book to which I was not privy?!

Mum and I fought often over my desperation for a pair of ‘Rebina boots’ (with segs, obvs). “Expensive, badly made and will ruin your feet” was mum’s opinion, whereas I was convinced they’d be my gold card into teenage acceptance. 

There’s little wonder my teenage religion was worshipping at the feet of Stephen Patrick Morrissey.

“Everyday, you must say, oh how do I feel about my SHOES? They make me awkward and plain…”
The Smiths, Accept Yourself.

My disdain for fashion continued until peri-menopause and a minor midlife wobble. Even though intellectually I knew ‘age is a privilege’, a lifetime of boozing and smoking was starting to make itself more visible and I felt the patriarchy bellowing at my bingo wings.

I shared my mid-life muddle with my friend Andrew, and he sent me a link to the Insta account of a granddaughter posting images of her stylish grandma . “Her style would suit you,” he said. Then a weird thing happened as I scrolled through images of this beautiful and stylish older woman - I noticed I started to feel happier!

My first style-crone crush on Insta @Naito_saori

Turns out, I’m not alone in enjoying seeing older women rock their style. Crone Ellie Keegs (happy crone birthday 🥳) put this rather well in her response to last month’s crone assignment to ‘share a style crone and reflect on how it makes you feel.’ 

“I admire people who make me look and go ‘ooh that looks beautiful/interesting/stylish’ and I find loads of women of my age or older turn my head for those reasons. I love seeing women of all shapes, sizes, ages and colours wearing clothes that they look brilliant in.”

I guess this is the opposite of schadenfreude - the pleasure one feels when seeing another woman rock a wonderful outfit. (If there isn’t a name for this, let’s make one! Share in the comments below.)

Scarlett, one of the founders of fellow Facebook group, Hera and Her Wayward Daughters said in her response to last month’s crone assignment that research backs up this ‘wellbeing response’.

Worth noting here are the words ‘diverse and realistic’, which, as Cathi Rae also points out in Part 2 of this style crone edition, is actually one of the problems with the Age Positive Movement as it stands.

Indeed, many responses to the last crone assignment were along these lines 👇🏽

..which explains why images such as the one below are so often shared and celebrated, both in our Crone Club Facebook Group and in Hera and Her Wayward Daughters.

Pic credit unknown - please DM me if you know!

(I feel I should add that equally, there is also no judgement here of women who chose to NOT celebrate their lines and wrinkles. ‘You do you’ as my nieces say. Whilst we’re on the subject, here’s a link to a podcast shared in our Facebook group last month by Fanny Eaton-Hall on the tension between the desire to grow old gracefully and a desire to grow old disgracefully: ‘Grace/Disgrace’ podcast (opens new window).)

Style for sisterhood connection

As always, style crone and poet, @Cathi Rae hit the nail on the head for me re the possible sisterhood positives of fashion.

“There are people in the world who believe that being interested in clothes... choosing to wear stuff that makes you happy, is at best silly, and at worst superficial in a world full of problems...
But over the years some of the best connections I've made with random strangers have been because we liked each other's outfits...
Which is what happened yesterday...
I stopped to admire what @artyfartyjacky was wearing...we talked about second hand style and then we talked about her passionate advocacy to make arts and performance more accessible to the Deaf community...and I learnt a little bit of BSL..the sign for depression is so much more evocative than the spoken word...
I don't know if we would have made that connection if we'd both been wearing jeans and a t-shirt...
Talking to strangers... looking for a connection... being open to learning from other people is what makes the world better..and if those conversations are sparked by a simple "I love your outfit" well maybe clothes aren't so silly after all.”

Agreed. Even amongst 1000+ fierce feminists at the incredible Filia conference last month 👋, many a sisterhood conversation was sparked by “ha ha I love your teeshirt!”

Bonding over this fabulous Crone tee shirt by Twisted Twee, at this year’s fearsome Filia conference. Check her out @TwistedTwee.

I love this idea of style as a way of connecting the sisterhood and making each other feel good. It reminded me of this poem frequently shared in our Facebook group. 👇🏽

It’s this sisterly scrumptiousness that I also love about the poetry of Georgie Jones in poems like this one - ‘Ode to the Ladies Loo’ Click here to watch - it’s rather wonderful 💚👇🏽 Thank you to Crone Lisa for sharing.

@georgiejonezan ode to the ladies loo ♥️🚽💄🪩 #poetry #spokenword #poetrytok #femalefriends #girls #girlssupportgirls

Bonefide crones don’t follow.

Of course, if you’re a real crone (many of us are still crones-in-training so please bear with us older sisters), there may have been much rolling of eyes and gnashing of teeth throughout this issue, as any bonefide crone worth her salt knows that REAL CRONES DON’T FOLLOW ANYONE! A point well made by actor and podcaster Flloyd Kennedy (79) and many others in our Facebook group and on our Insta. 🙏

(Check out Flloyd’s podcast ‘Am I Old Yet?’ here.)

And amen to that. 👊🏽

The crone is, after all, the one who thinks for herself, risks disapproval and ‘unbuilds walls’.

“It’s always easier not to think for oneself. Find a nice safe hierarchy and settle in. Don’t make changes, don’t risk disapproval, don’t upset your cynics. It’s always easiest to let yourself be governed.

There’s a point when you have to choose whether to be like everybody else the rest of your life, or to make a virtue of your peculiarities.

Those who build walls are their own prisoners. I’m going to fulfil my proper function in the social organism.

I’m going to go and unbuild walls.”

Ursula le Guin

So how DO I feel about my shoes?

I wanted to end with a post from Jeanne Ellin - a member of our Facebook group, who for me, sums up the essence of how to age in style. After a lifetime of wearing ‘practical’ shoes, she is now mainly housebound and ‘doesn’t have to move around as much’, so she’s taken to buying the most beautiful but impractical shoes she can find!

Inspired by Jeanne, I made a rare break from walking boots and trainers by investing in a pair of silver ‘crone’ boots for a friend’s wedding. Although I don’t look as good in them as Joan (below), or Sarz from the pub, imagine my joy when I walked into a boozer the other day and a woman in her mid 50s grinned and said in a conspiratorial whisper as I went past…

“I love your boots.”

@ www.instagram.com/joanijohnson6000

PS A message for Mum. In researching this issue, I came across this post on Twitter.

Let’s just say we were both right. 😂

Thank yous and links

A huge, huge THANK YOU to everyone who has subscribed and shared TTTW so far, and also to all the friends, neighbours and extended family who have been such a support since Dad got ill. And of course, a HUGE thank you to our paid subscribers! 🥳 Without you, I’ll struggle to keep this and the Facebook group going, so THANK YOU!

Looking for a Christmas prezzie for the crone in training in your life, why not gift them an annual subscription to Tits to the Wind?!

Much love and thanks so much for your support. xxx